Socializing

Are you a social person? What would you do if your Owner wished you not to socialize? Would you be able to comfortably obey his wishes or would you feel the request was unnatural for you?

Yes, I am a very social person when the time is appropriate. I love to talk, laugh, and have intelligent conversations while learning as much as I can from other people. I try to regard life as a journey of truth and self-discovery while accepting all people I meet as my teacher. My hobby is to observe individuals, noticing their mannerisms and different personalities, and try to understand them.

What would I do if He asked me not to socialize? I would do whatever was wanted of me. If I were going somewhere with Him I would not be out in front talking and meeting everyone in the room. I would be there for Him and do what was requested of me, even if that meant to stand quietly by His side and offer Him support and comfort.

If I were asked to not socialize at all for a longer period of time, I admit it would be harder, but do-able. I wouldn’t say that to never speak to someone was unnatural for me but it would be a constant effort on my part simply because I like people. The thing with requests or tests of my obedience is that I am here to obey them and not question Him.

I love these prompts because they give me something to write about and connect with all the lovely people that read my words but I don’t want either you or myself to lose sight of what it is I am actually doing with Him. I certainly have all these thoughts and questions in my mind but the part that is easy and beautiful about this whole relationship is that I can just trust Him and all my worries wash away.

I may not always understand why He would want me to do something or not do something, I may not even like it at first, but it isn’t my place as His submissive to question every single request made of me. My only part in this is to please Him, meet His desires, and in pleasing Him I get the peace, comfort, and love that I need in return.

“All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours.”

-Robert Browning

This submissive prompt was found Here

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Sense of Self

In the beginning, did you ever wonder if you would lose your sense of self somehow in your submission? Has that proven to be the case? Is that still a question for you?

About a year ago when my world started to implode on itself I questioned everything. I questioned who I was, what I was doing, and how in the world was I going to get back to the genuine me who was happy and fulfilled.

Soul searching is a long process and one that is still on going for me. It is funny to watch movies and have the characters figure all their problems out in a day and move on to live the life they always wanted. For real people the progression to finding true happiness and self-actualization takes a lifetime and is a journey that is always in motion depending on life circumstances.

In the beginning of exploring my sexual interests I realized that I wanted more than just sex, I wanted to be dominated. I needed so much more than the sexual experiences I had in the last 10 years and would devote the rest of my life if needed into finding what would fulfill my needs. I, of course, was worried when first researching about submission that He would take away everything, including all the pieces of “me”. I guess in some relationships that is what can happen and hopefully is what both people are needing if that is the case.

I know now that a relationship is what you make. There are so many different people out there with unique needs and wants. Could I ever completely turn over all sense of self and serve a Master? If the situation felt right, I could with no question. Do I do that now? No, right now I am still building “me”. I work, go to grad school, write as much as I can, raise children, and run a household. I feel like all these components of my life give me an outlet for any extra energy or additional growth I need as a person right now.

Losing myself is not a question for me anymore. I know that I am stronger now than I have ever been. I have more patience and understanding then I ever thought possible. I feel like because I get a sense of peace from having a D/s relationship I am free to learn and grow to be a better person. If it ever came to a point where I was asked to give things up to be a better submissive, I would do whatever was asked of me from the right person. I wouldn’t be with a person who didn’t understand my needs and me. That is why I trust Him so much because I have faith that He understands and knows what is best for both of us and He is there to take care of US.

Major life decisions can be talked about but I wouldn’t put up a huge argument. Honesty has always been a HUGE part of my world. I still believe that it is but I am learning that TRUST is becoming just as big. I am seeing that trust is something I am destined to give to the right person and my need to put myself in His hands is becoming great. I feel lost when He is not there and the weight of the world removed when He is. I am still independent and feel that my sense of self is greater because of Him. So if requests were made for life changes, jobs, making babies, traveling, writing, exploring, learning, and devotion it would be my pleasure to honor those requests because that is what love and trust is about.

“Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.”

– Antione de Saint-Exupery

My prompt for this blog can be found Here

Begging

Do you beg? How do you feel when you do?

Yes, I do beg. I am not immune to really wanting something, whether it is information, affection, intimacy, etc., and I am not afraid to beg for them. Don’t get me wrong, I do not beg to all people in my life, but I have been known to ask those certain someones for something.

I feel vulnerable and open when I do beg. I feel like if I say “please” and could look at him with those big brown eyes, that I could get my way. Of course, this is not the case and I usually do NOT get my way, EVER. But c’est la vie, it will not stop me from trying. 😉  For me trusting someone enough to be that vulnerable with them is a testament to the enormity of which I have let them into my heart.

I feel like when you want something badly enough you should not be afraid to express yourself. For me, especially with people I hold close to me, that includes being held in absolute despotism, and trying to get my way.  I like to be playful and have a good time along with the intimacy, love, and dominance I crave in a relationship.  Everything needs to be in moderation…even moderation.

“Begging is much more difficult than it looks. Contrary to popular belief, it’s a high art form that takes years of dedicated practice to master.”

–Sol Luckman

Romance

Does romance have its place in D/s relationships?

Dear God, I hope it does. I would like to think that in the barest of bones we are still talking about a relationship and a two way street, which means that the basic components of any relationship should be there.

Isn’t a D/s relationship different where the sub gifts her Dom with her submission and is grateful to serve him? Yes, that is the best part of the dynamic. With that said I still believe that romance is not dead and absolutely has a place in this type of powerful relationship.

I guess the next most obvious question is….What does romance mean to you? I am not one of those women that need to be showered with material things. Do I like presents? Sure, I love getting presents but I do not consider a present something that ensures the relationship. I believe romance is felt not handed over wrapped with a bow on top.

For me, romance is a touch, such as a single finger trailing down the side of my face while he is listening to me. Romance is His undivided attention when we are together, or even a kiss that expresses more about the way He feels for me better than words ever could. Flowers, candles, gifts, trips, etc. are the only way some people, both men and women, know how to express themselves romantically.

I was always raised to know that the mind is your most powerful asset. I was taught to love from my grandmother who didn’t have much money but made me feel like I was the most important person in the world when I was with her. This is the only way I know how to show people the absolute love I feel for them. Not with anything money could buy but by listening to them and knowing what is important to them, then simply trying to incorporate that as much as possible.

I am a watcher, an observer of behavior, knowing what makes a person both sad and happy are powerful tools. I feel proprietary over the people I hold dear to me and I do my best to be there for them and let them know exactly how important they are. I guess what I am trying to say is that all of this, knowing a person and letting them know they are loved in little ways every chance you get, is romance to me. I, without a doubt, believe it belongs in a D/s or really any type of relationship that is out there.

“Never close your lips to those whom you have already opened your heart.”

–Charles Dickens

As always the link for my prompt is found Here.

December 16, 2014

Last night I was sitting on the couch in the living room working diligently on my book. I was encased in the story playing out in my head and writing it all down as quickly as possible when I hear laughter coming from the girls’ room. The 7 year old and 13 year old are actually getting along and talking to each other. This is an extraordinary event so I put down my notebook and listened.

The 13 year old is bestowing a very important reality check to the 7 year old.

13 yo: “Oh yeah, school is Soo much harder when you are in 8th grade, like seriously!”

7 yo: “Really? Do you have a bunch of reading and math and stuff?”

13 yo: “Oh yeah and we have a bunch of different classes and teachers, not just the two teachers that you have now.”

7 yo: “I’m never going to make it in that hard school.”

13yo: “And you can forget about recess. There are no more recesses when you get older, only a 30 minute lunch, then it’s back to more school work.”

7 yo: “No way! No recess? How do they expect us to be kids with no recess?”

I was laughing so hard at this point I didn’t hear the rest before they came out of their room. With the big sister reassuringly resting her hand on the 7 year olds shoulder.

So this morning I thought I would play with the 13 yo a little bit.

Me: “Hey what do you have planned at school today?”

13 yo: “Nothing much, just wrapping up some tests before the Christmas break.”

Me: “Cool. Hey how about I come up there and eat lunch with you?”

13 yo: “Uhhh, Mom we don’t really do that sort of thing in 8th grade?”

Me: “What!?!? But hey all your friends love me and I’ll get to meet those boys all you girls are always talking about on the weekends!”

13 yo: “Mom, NO! Seriously, you can’t come up there. I don’t want you to meet those boys. “

Me: “I could totally hang out with y’all and we could maybe sing some of those songs y’all are always singing along with on YouTube. Hey maybe we could sing to those boys you like. We would be the coolest people at lunch.”

13 yo: “You have got to be kidding! NO WAY, I am dead serious mom. DO NOT COME TO LUNCH!”

Me: Smiling deviously “Alright, if you insist but I’m telling you I could totally talk to those boys you are shy around and make sure they notice you. Just let me know if you need my help and I’ll be up there in a heartbeat.”

13 yo: “OMG, Mom. You are impossible. I said I wouldn’t mess around with boys, I do not need you to get involved. I am going to school now to get away from this madness.” Shaking her head and grabbing her backpack on the way out the door.

The 7 yo who is waiting about 30 more minutes for her bus to arrive comes to sit next to me on the couch and says, “That was awesome! If you do go to her school and eat lunch with her one day will you please let me come along? I’ll totally show you all the boys she likes, I know what all of them look like.” We high five and start laughing while waiting. Being a single parent is tough but there are moments of greatness. 😉

“Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare.”

–Ed Asner

First Impressions

What book, movie, or website most influenced your first impressions of what slavery was about? How has that changed your view on slavery?

When I first started feeling as though something was missing from my life I researched everything I could think of for some guidance. I stumbled upon a BDSM website and the rest as they say is history.

Learning about all the different aspects of the lifestyle, I must say some of them scared me. Slavery was one part that I just couldn’t get my mind around. Why would someone want to give up everything, their choices, their thoughts, and the ability to be their own person? I could get behind the whole Dominant and submissive relationship because it seemed the submissive still had choices.

Then I read a book in the Masters of the Shadowlands series called “To Command and Collar”. It portrayed a different side to the Master/slave relationship. The story was written from the point of view of the woman who was the slave and detailed all the internal struggles I, myself was battling with. How can a self sufficient, adult woman find happiness in a relationship where she has no control, ever?

By the end of the book I was able to see how much thought, love, and vulnerability went into the relationship. It wasn’t about some tyrant needing to enslave a woman; he helped her along in the process of becoming a slave to a point where they both were in a place that felt right.

Obviously, this was a book of fiction but it still helped me see the difference the right person can make in your life. I no longer feel scared of the slave part in a M/s dynamic. My new outlook is that it would be wonderful to feel that cherished by another person. To be looked after and know that you were giving him just as much joy and he was giving you.

“Distance means nothing when someone means everything.”

— Unknown

Click Here for the prompt site I used for this blog.

Strength and Slavery

How do you define strength, and do you see yourself as strong? Is slavery unaffected by the presence or absence of strength? Could you see yourself submitting to someone less strong than yourself?

Strength to me is surviving, continuing on when all feels lost or abandoned. I do see myself as strong. I am not always at my best, I face many trials and tribulations like everyone else, but I refuse to be beat down, I refuse to roll over and give up.

I think slavery is very much affected by strength. To be a slave takes a very strong person. A slave gives over all of their trust, bends their will to serve their Master to the best of their ability. A tremendous amount of strength is needed to belong to a Master.

I believe that if I found the right Master to submit to, we would compliment each other. Finding the right person to be with isn’t about a list of attributes that they must meet or else I won’t be with them. For me, finding Him would be about a connection, a feeling that is unmistakable that I can’t walk away from. I don’t need Him to meet a checklist to keep my affections but to find in me what is missing in Him and vice versa.

“As a slave, you do not give up your will. You learn to attune it to another person’s, until the two are as one. This is the real source of that “second sense” that some experienced slaves have: they know their Owners so well that they experience the Owners’ needs and desires as their own. In a sense, then, rather than giving up responsibility, a slave becomes doubly accountable.”
–Christina Abernathy

A New Journey Into the Submissive World